I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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