he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
so much tequila, so little girl.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
