She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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