I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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