Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
