The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so let's talk penis.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
