so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
