It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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