Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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