bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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