If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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