She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
