Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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