Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
