actually, I'm a sock model
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
