I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
being pregnant is like rehab
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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