turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
