1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
