The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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