Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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