does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
