is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
