This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize