Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
