Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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