Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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