I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
