I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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