is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
