So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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