he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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