it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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