Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
