he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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