i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Houston, we have a blender
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
