we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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