I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
