I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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