I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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