I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
