If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
