i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize