Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
