I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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