She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize