oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm too high and old for this...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
