Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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