Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You ruined the universe
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
