So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
