Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
