it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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