She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
