I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize