The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
