My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
