Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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