you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
