I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
