He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
