I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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