dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i came on her dog
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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