i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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