everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
