she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
