I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
