Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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