Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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