I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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