you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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