tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
