Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
