clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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