Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
