So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
