the condom got lost in my hair
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
