Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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