my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
