I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
