Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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