Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
