Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
