i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
