my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
