member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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