i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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