I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
