9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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