Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
